2. On the most serious mistake I've made in my life
3. On the consequences of my mistake
This is a
Nederlog of Wednesday,
I have been
writing about the crisis since
1, 2008 (in Dutch, but
since 2010 in English) and about
the enormous dangers of surveillance (by secret services and
by many rich commercial entities) since June 10, 2013, and I will
continue with it.
moment and since more than two years
problems with the company that is
supposed to take care that my site is visible 
and with my health, but I am still writing a Nederlog every day and
I shall continue.
2. On the most
serious mistake I've made in my
This is and it isn´t a crisis
file. I have decided not to mark this file as a crisis file,
even though the crisis - for me - is based on my
The main reason for this is - for my self and my ex, at least - that
the crisis started with the disease
that my ex and I got, in January of 1979. Neither the crisis nor the
disease is over, almost 40 years later, but the disease started 16
months after the major mistake I made.
The most serious mistake I´ve
made in my life is that I decided to return from Norway in August 1977
- 41 years ago - and that after I had lived there for two years and 8
months; had a permission to stay since two years and 5 months; could
both have gotten a work permit; and had the permission to study
at a Norwegian university, and indeed would and could have become a
Norwegian soon as well.
I did not. Instead, I followed the plan that I had formed before
leaving for Norway on December 31 1974, which was to get the state
examination that would allow me to study in the university (that I
still had not passed, but did pass in 1976), and then to study in the
University of Amsterdam.
And this is what I did. Here is why this was the most serious
mistake I´ve made in my life.
There were several sides to it.
The first is that my Norwegian girl friend and I were
still together, but we had some problems. I do not think these
were very serious if I had decided to stay in Norway. But while I could
have studied in Norway starting in the end of 1977, this made it almost
necessary to live in Oslo, and my girl friend and I did not like Oslo
at all, and we both strongly preferred not to live there.
And the second - more important - reason is that while I did
know a little about the UvA (the University of Amsterdam), I did not
know much about it, and in particular had missed the fact that since
the end of 1971 the UvA and all other Dutch universities were in fact,
in a legal sense, given to the students by the then Minister of
This was in fact unique in the world, and seems to have been
Veerman´s and other Dutch politicians´ reactions to (i) the failed
revolution in May ´68 in France and (ii) the occupation
of the central building of the UvA in 1969 by the students (that
shocked the Dutch, but not many others).
What the Dutch politicians did in 1971 amounted to the following:
(i) to impose a completely new
structure on each and every Dutch university that consisted of
something close to a parliament (called the
that would have the formal power in each and every university,
together with a similar reform in each and every faculty
of each and every Dutch university (called the ¨Faculteitsraad¨), that
made them much like city governments in Dutch politics;
And this meant in fact that the universities were formally
in the power of the students, for the simple reason that there were
far more students than staff members and other personnel.
(ii) to assure that each of these councils would
be voted for each year by all the students and by all of the
staff and also by anyone else employed by a Dutch university (like:
secretaries, cleaners, printers etc.);
(iii) to assure that the actual leadership in each and
every university would be in the hands of something like a
government, that consisted of some leading members of each
(iv) to assure that each and everyone who could vote in
these yearly elections all would formally amount to the same,
which meant that professors, lecturers, students, secretaries and
cleaners (if employed by a Dutch university) all would have one vote
In fact, I do not know how much I knew of these - extremely radical - changes by 1974, but in
any case this did not matter much, because to appreciate the real
effects of these changes one had to be a student or a staff member in a
Dutch university, and I was not.
There also was a third reason, although that did not at all
seem important in 1977:
I did not at all count with the possibility that I (and indeed
my ex) would become and remain ill in January 1979; would
not get better the next 40 years; and also would be
consistently discriminated by virtually all Dutch doctors and all Dutch
bureaucrats, who claimed for forty years, and till March
2018, that we were not ill at all: we were hallucinating or
deceiving the medics (and the bureaucrats).
But I did fall ill on January 1, 1979; my Dutch ex fell ill on January
10, 1979; and we have been ill ever since - and it was almost
universally claimed (by Dutch doctors and Dutch bureaucrats) that we
were not ill at all, that is, until March 2018.
In fact, I did not count at all with the possibility that I
would get ill, and indeed would not have believed in 1977 that
not only would I get ill, but that I would not be believed for
nearly 40 years in Holland that I was ill, which is mainly
due to Dutch doctors and Dutch psychiatrists - who lied to me (and my
ex), and indeed said we were ¨psychosomatizers¨, which is not even a
proper medical judgement.
Finally, there also was a fourth reason:
I liked Norway; I liked its nature; I liked its
people; I liked the language(s), and in fact, apart from the
lack of books where we lived (in a small village in the middle of
Norway), I liked Norway much better than I ever did Holland.
But I did not consider this, mostly because I had never counted
with the possibility that I would fall ill and remain ill for the next
forty years. (I had since the early 1970ies assumed that I probably
would leave Holland if I had an M.A.)
Before briefly listing the consequences of my mistake not to remain in
Norway, I want to consider one more question: How responsible was I for
I listed four reasons for my mistake, but I honestly think that I do
not have much responsibility for three out of four reasons.
Then again, I was responsible for the second mistake, and should
have known more and better about the Dutch universities since 1971.
To what extent this would have been possible in Norway I do not know,
but I do know that if I had known as much as 10% of the horrors I
was faced with in the University of Amsterdam, I would have remained in
3. On the consequences of my mistake
In any case, the consequences of my mistake were pretty clear within
I could add many more horrible facts - twice 3 1/2 years
of terrorism, from which I could not escape because I was ill, for
example - but I add just one more fact:
- In 1978 (after three months of studying) my
grant was - once again - totally stopped for totally incomprehensible
reasons, probably because of false information by the study advisor
from philosophy. (I did make sufficient points for the whole year in
the first three months, but otherwise I would have had to stop studying
- I was immediately diagnosed by the ¨radical¨,
¨communist¨ students of the UvA (mostly members of the ASVA) as ¨a
fascist¨ (on August 25, 1977) because I was not a Marxist - and
this diagnosis was continued until 1988, at least tens of times and
probably over a hundred times.
- By the end of 1978 I loathed the
university climate (where I was consistently called ¨a - dirty -
fascist¨, even though both of my parents were communists, who had
played heroic roles in the Resistance against the Nazis, and with a father and a grandfather who were
committed - as ¨political terrorists¨ - to German concentration camps)
because I did not learn anything whatsoever.
- This enticed me to start a new student party (the NASA)
and to take part in the university elections, but after we made 5% of
the votes, I recognized we would never have enough votes to change the
university or its policies, and I gave the NASA up (that very soon
- In January 1979 I fell ill, and nine days later
my ex fell ill, and we are still ill in 2018, but with
the difference that until 2018 we were not even considered to be ill
with a ¨serious chronic disease¨, which made for endless difficulties
for me (from 1984 till 2011) with the Amsterdam dole.
I think none of the things that happened since August 1977
would have happened to me had I remained in Norway.
- In 1988 I was removed from the faculty of
philosophy of the UvA, which meant I could not take an M.A. in
philosophy, after studying it since 1965, and namely because I
was ¨a - dirty - fascist¨ and ¨a terrorist¨ simply because I had
written and said that all but one of my ¨teachers¨ of philosophy were
lazy and utterly incompetent, which was the literal truth.
end of 2015 that
xs4all.nl is systematically
ruining my site by NOT updating it within a few seconds,
as it did between 1996 and 2015, but by updating it between
two to seven days later, that is, if I am lucky.
claimed that my site was wrongly named in html: A lie.
They have claimed that my operating system was out of date: A lie.
just don't care for my site, my interests, my values or my
ideas. They have behaved now for 2 years
as if they are the
eagerly willing instruments of the US's secret services, which I
from now on suppose they are (for truth is dead in Holland).
two reasons I remain with xs4all is that my site has been
there since 1996, and I have no reasons whatsoever to suppose that any
other Dutch provider is any better (!!).